


Past, Present and Future

by Alice_h



Series: A Secret Love [8]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Decisions, Established Relationship, F/F, Past, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 20:03:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19116739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alice_h/pseuds/Alice_h
Summary: Catra has one question to answer - but it's not easy for her





	Past, Present and Future

For as long as Catra could remember, Adora had been there for her providing unconditional love and support. Without her, Catra doubted she’d ever have made it this far. Life in the Fright Zone was horrible: they put you through gruelling training from a very young age, and when you didn’t do well at it, you weren’t given help, you were given an angry dressing down. Adora was there every time Shadow Weaver had shouted at her, demeaned her, threatened her. She told Catra that it wasn’t her fault, that she was an amazing person – even if she didn’t believe it – and that she was going to survive the difficult times.

It was one of those instances where Catra first realised she was in love with Adora. The two of them were about 10 or 11, and the training that day was exceptionally horrible. It was the first time they had been in a simulation, and they’d had no preparation for this sort of scenario. Their team entered the room, where everything seemed quiet, and while the others were cautious, Catra ran straight into a trap. She was knocked flying and the screen on her armour flashed up a red X. If it was a real mission, she’d have been dead. All she could then do was watch from the sidelines as the rest of the team, led by Adora, fought their hardest. In the end, everyone had ‘died’ except for Adora who always excelled at her training, but they’d fought well. As they walked back to the dorms, Catra heard the voice that always sent her anxiety through the roof.

“You, come in here.”

“Sh-Shadow Weaver…” began Catra, “I’m sorry, I...”

“You failed miserably,” decreed the sorceress, “As you _always_ do. I don’t know why we keep you around here.”

“I’ll…I’ll try my best next time.”

“You need to try your best _all_ the time. Were you not today?”

“I d- I don’t know,” Catra stuttered.

“Either you were deliberately insulting me by not trying your best, or you were trying your best, but your best is woefully inadequate. Which is it?” she demanded.

“I don’t…I don’t…” Catra gasped in air, trying to prevent herself from crying.

“You don’t _what?_ ” ordered Shadow Weaver, “You don’t deserve to be in the Horde? You don’t deserve the home and the bed and the food we have generously provided you?”

The young girl began to sob.

“Here we go again with the tears,” scoffed Shadow Weaver, “I’m not dealing with this. Get out of my sight.”

Catra needed no further encouragement and ran out of the room and back to her dorm. Adora watched as she dived straight under the covers of her bed, and calmly walked over to sit down on the edge of it.

“Catra?” she asked gently.

“Leave me alone, Adora,” came the tearful reply.

“But you’re crying.”

“Am not.”

Adora smiled to herself at her friend’s stubbornness, “I can hear it. You’re crying.”

“I’m _not_!” Catra kicked the blonde girl gently.

“Fine,” conceded Adora, “Then you won’t need these tissues or this chocolate bar.”

There was silence for a moment, punctuated by a few whimpers from underneath the duvet, before Catra poked her face out from the cover.

“Is it a caramel one?” she sniffled. The sight of her made Adora give her the hugest 'I know it's hard but you're not alone' smile.

“Your favourite.”

Catra sat up, wiped at her face and then took the bar, “Thanks, Adora.”

“You know, everyone makes mistakes,” she empathised, “It’s just Shadow Weaver doesn’t really know how to help people not make them.”

“Shadow Weaver can get lost. Why does she always take it out on me?”

“I don’t know… she’s just mean.”

Adora shuffled over and put her arm around the younger girl’s shoulders. She had done that many times before, but this time something felt different to Catra. It was nice and comforting, as it always was, but her brain was taken over by one thought: ‘I never want her to let go’. The connection between arm and shoulder radiated with a sense of security as everything else fell away – the training, the Fright Zone, Shadow Weaver all gone from her mind – she could only focus on that one thought. ‘I never want her to let go’.

“Are you okay, Catra?” Adora had noticed her friend staring off into space.

Catra looked up at her and was taken aback. Adora had such a lovely smile, she had never noticed quite how much it beamed happiness and safety, and her eyes were a sparkling blue that Catra had got lost in. Adora was so pretty and she was there in front of her just…being pretty. She wanted to look at her forever.

“Catra?” she persisted, unsettled by her friend staring at her without saying anything.

Overcome by her friend’s beauty, she leant forward and kissed Adora on the lips. Both of them immediately recoiled from shock.

“Oh!” Catra’s eyes widened, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I…”

“It’s OK, I understand.”

“Can we just…imagine that – that, y’know, it didn’t happen?” she scrambled for words, consumed with the worry Adora would reject her and their friendship would be over.

“Of course! Are we good?”

“We’re good.”

“Awesome. Let’s forget it,” Adora grinned.

But Catra couldn’t forget it. In her mind, she played the memory over and over. It made her feel at ease, and when things got tough, she would think about that kiss – how soft Adora’s lips were, the way her eyebrows raised up in surprise when she kissed her, and how she wanted to do it again more than anything. Over the next few years, the longing became almost unbearable at times and she came very close to telling Adora that she loved her, but Catra was continually terrified that it would change things between them – that Adora would no longer want to be around her and she would have no-one.

Then Adora left. Abandoned her. Catra didn’t know if she’d ever see her again, and it hurt like hell. The regret she felt about never having told Adora that she loved her ate away at her, and it made her angry. When she found out that her friend had joined the Rebellion – their enemy – she was torn. On one hand, Adora had betrayed the cause they had belonged to all their lives and left Catra behind to suffer; but on the other hand, it meant their paths would cross, even if they were on opposing teams.

She tried hard to push her feelings down and see Adora as the enemy, but she couldn’t destroy the love that she had inside, no matter how much she wished it wasn't there. It would have been so much easier to hate Adora; she just wasn’t able to. They fought many times, with Adora usually coming out on top, though there was still a spark between them, and Catra felt it. She was pretty sure Adora could feel it too, and it made her wonder...was the time right? After weeks of her mind racing with thoughts of what could be, Catra decided to bite the bullet, sneaking into Adora’s room for their first ‘date’, and they became a couple. The secrecy was difficult to maintain, and the stress of it got to her, culminating in her losing control and being taken to the Horde’s prison. Ever since she found out that she had attacked the other members of her team, and barely remembered it, she worried about that side of her coming out again. What if she hurt Adora? She loved the girl so much and wanted to be with her all the time, but she also didn’t want to lash out and cause her pain.

And that brought them to this moment. Adora, knelt in front of her, proposing. It seemed like such a simple question – yes or no – but history was weighing hard on Catra. The years she had never told Adora how she really felt, the perfect moments they had had as partners, the worry of hurting her and the impossible choice between her happiness and Adora’s.

Catra didn’t tell her legs to run. There was no conscious thought of “I’m going to run now, send a message to the muscles”, it just happened. She sprinted out of the dining room, leaving Adora shouting her name, and kept on running. Down the hallway, out of the door, across the bridge and into the forest, where she fell to the floor, breathing erratically. She stayed there for five, maybe ten minutes – she wasn’t sure – just lying face down on the forest floor.

Eventually she heard the faint sound of a voice, and as it grew in volume, she recognised it as Adora calling her name. After a couple of minutes, the noise of snapping twigs echoed a few feet away, followed by a gasp when Adora laid eyes on her.

“Kitty? What’s wrong?”

Catra rolled over onto her back, “I can’t do this. I’m a horrible person.”

Adora shook her head and carefully manoeuvred herself to lie down next to Catra, taking hold of her hand.

“You’re the most wonderful person I have ever known,” she reassured, “What makes you think you’re not?”

Catra sighed, “The other day when I… I lost control and hurt people and I’m scared I’ll do that to you.”

“Oh babe,” Adora propped herself up with an arm so she could look over at Catra and used her other arm to gently stroke Catra’s chest, “I know you’d never do anything to hurt me.”

“I was out of control, Adora, what if it happens again?”

“I won’t let it,” she took hold of one of Catra’s hands and squeezed it tight, “When we’re together, we can get through anything, okay?”

“I guess…” replied Catra hesitantly.

“And there’s people who can help. There’s someone in Bright Moon who helped me, they can do it for you as well. You’re a wonderful person, Catra. You’re kind, loving and so much fun to be with.”

“I don’t feel like I’ve been much fun lately.”

“You’ve been through so much, I don’t expect you to be in a great mood. But I love you, I love every single inch of you, I love everything that you are and will be, and I want us to be together forever.”

Catra stared up at the sky, “I want that too.”

“I’m sorry I sprung that on you, it was stupid,” apologised Adora, “I just wanted you to know how much I need you and care about you.”

“No it wasn't stupid," Catra reassured her, "It was just a shock, with everything that’s happened. But I do want to be with you forever.”

“Awesome!” Adora cheered. Both of them laughed.

“So…maybe you should ask me again?” said Catra coyly.

“Oh right,” replied Adora, “Will you-“

“Not like that!” she interrupted, “Do it properly.”

They both rose to their feet, brushing off various bits of plant matter from their clothes. Adora rested one knee on the floor, took the ring out of the box and offered it up.

“Catra, oh light of my life, oh wonderous kitty who completes me, my rock, my everything, my best friend ever,” she began dramatically, “Will you do me the honourable honour of agreeing to be my wife?”

Her girlfriend giggled, “Yeah, go on then.”

Adora beamed as she slid the ring onto Catra’s finger. She got back to her feet and turned around.

“SHE SAID YES!” she shouted to no-one in particular, and then turned back, wrapping both arms around her girlfriend, who gave a squeak of surprise. Both of them were deliriously happy and couldn’t stop smiling and laughing.

“I…. we…should...aaaaaaaaaa,” blabbered Adora, “I’m sorry, I can’t…. words right now…”

 “Then don’t talk,” smirked Catra.

She pulled the taller girl in and their lips locked together. The pleasurable feeling of kissing seemed even better now they were fiancées, and the two of them stood embraced with passion. Adora put her arms around her girlfriend and held her tight as she felt Catra nibbling a little on her top lip.

In Catra’s mind, there was only one thought. _I never want her to let go._

**Author's Note:**

> We're getting back into the wonderful fluffy stuff at last! 
> 
> It might be a little longer than usual before the next one is posted. I've got a wedding to plan, and I am going to pull out all the stops!
> 
> EDIT (09/06/2019) - The next bit will be the wedding, and it'll be a fair bit longer than the previous parts, so I'm splitting it into three chapters. Undecided as to whether to release them separately or together.


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